Apparently I trust too many people that read my dland so I guess it's unlocked for now.
Again.

So, you know what it's like to have a family, but not have a family at the same time?
I hate how I don't have what other people have.
All I ever hear at home is yelling.

When I'm at home, I'm in my room. No where else. Not nessisarily by choice.
I'm scared to go downstairs cause I don't want to get yelled at. I don't want to "create a mess" and have dad freak out. I don't want to be told I'm a bad influence on Kass and Austin again.
I'm embarrassed to have people over because I don't want people coming over whenall my family is going to do is fight. I make up excuses for people to NOT come over.
I never want to be home. I want to be out all the time so I don't have to listen to it anymore.
Then I get yelled at for not being home enough.
I "should" be there so I can spend time with my famil and be cleaning.

I don't have a relationship with my family.
I hear all the grrrls in cos and in my other clases talking about how they're doing something with their family and they are so excited for it.
I hear how close they are with their moms and dads.
I don't have a mom that lives int he same provence.
My dad and I NEVER talk.
WAIT!, sometimes I ask him for money and he'll tell me to go clean something. But that's it.
The thing is, I don't really think I WANT to get close to him though.
He ALWAYS seems angry, and everything I do is wrong.
I fail at being a daughter to him.

My dad and Debbie aren't like a normal couple.
They don't kiss, hug, hold hands, or compliment each other.
They barely talk.
In fact, dad YELLED at her the other day for talking.
It's a secret, but she told me that she thinks she is going to leave.
Take Kassie, Austin, and herself and leave.
She said she can't be somewhere where she isn't even allowed to talk anymore.

Great, I'm going to be by myself again.
I know this isn't right. It really isn't.

I now know why I don't want kids, and why I'm "abusive" in relationships.
I am so scared.
I don't want to end up like this.

xoChelsee.

Pee es;
OMG.
Adam :love:

yesterday - tomorrow