Put your reading glasses on kiddies.
This is going to be a bit long.
I think.

Yo;
Kay, so I'm like such an idiot/bitch right?
OBVS.

I love drama;
I hate loving drama.
I love boiiiz;
I hate loving boiiiz.
I like being young;
I hate loving being young.
I love trying to act mature.
I hate loving to try and act mature.

Basically I'm in a lovehate relationship with myself.

Yesterday afterschool I told Will that I didn't want to be anything more then just friends with him. he said he was cool with that, and he thinks I should be with someone my own age anyways.

So I'm excited for friday cause this show should be SO much fun.
Now I just need to find Noah's house.

I think I'm getting better. I'm still sick, but I'm able to breathe and swallow and stuff better now.
That's good.
I haven't been sick in a while.
I only get sick when I'm stressed.

..Going into more detail about Dale and my conversation last night, I still don't understand what I am personally suppost to do.
He says that when we have conversations, and hang out alone, I'm really chill and stuff, and I act like I would out of highschool.
But when I tell him about what I did with friends, he realizes that I act really immature, and do "stupid" stuff, like teenagers do.
So when we are hanging out or whatever, he kinda thinks that he wants to be with me or whatever, but when I do my childish things, he gets second thoughts, and doesn't want to.
Dale figures that as soon as I'm out of highschool, and start realizing how stupid kids in highschool can be, we will be unbelieveably perfect for each other.
All he wants is to just wake up abd have us at that point.
When he said he wanted to take things slow, he was hoping it would last 8 months.

He says I'm dramatic, but he doesn't realize that he is just as dramatic. He's just boii dramatic, and not grrrl dramatic.

So I REALLY don't know what he wants right now. I don't know if he wants us to like..//sigh.
I just have no idea.

Like, I won't lie.
I like him.
OBVS, right?
I could have just had us leave each other and never talk again as of two nights ago. But I don't know if I could be "committed" for eight months til he see's what I'm going to be, and decides what he wants.
He says he see's something in me, otherwise he wouldn't be talking to me.
But what happens if I don't have what he thinks I have.
What if he's just HOPING I have something so I'm not just a pretty face?
I'll feel really stupid for letting something play out for SO long just to have nothing come of it.
It would DEFINATLY be another heartbreak.

Sometimes I hate being me, and being in posisions like this.
I hate having to think so much cause I overthink as it is, and normally mess things up and feel stupid in the end.
Somedays I wish I was back in grade eight.
I was overweight.
I never went on the computer.
I ALWAYS watched tee vee.
Boiiiz didn't like me.
Boiiiz wouldn't even TALK with me.
I didn't have any real friends.
I did some drugs.
I was a chain smoker.
I wasn't pretty.
No one thought I was sweet.
Not even myself.

Jr High rocks and shit right?
I dunno.
I personally kinda HATED that life.

I should start paying attention in social now.

kaypeace.

xoChalsie.

yesterday - tomorrow